You finally made your childhood dream come true

 I started writing songs when I was 10 years old, it was a dream of mine to become an artist. Being in a asian household, parents don't believe in cultivating music talent as a career. I didn't care anyways, as with a lot of you, music was my escape from my dysfunctional family. 

I would perform on teacher's day at school, serenade songs to my crushes HAHAH

and sadly during one of the auditions for teacher's day, my friend who was suppose to perform with me decided to kick me out cause obviously at the naive age of 14 I do not stand out. I have ZERO self confidence, heck I didn't know my own self worth. 

Feeling the rejection of both my family and friends I stopped music for a really long time. 

13 years later, tried every career out there available, realise that life is really pointless to be stuck at my desk and not at least try to do what I really wanted to do, even if it means I'M GONNA SUCK AT IT. Because sometimes the fear of failure is so big that you don't even Start. 

Now that I have worked on my self-worth and insecurities. I'm ready to put myself out there and to be judged.

So here is my first Single on spotify, Youtube Music, Apple MUSIC, JUST NAME THE PLATFORM, I will be there

it's called PNC (post nut clarity) by Jocatfeine

Youtube Music

Spotify

The Grand fall

You tasted like coffee along with the scent of cologne and cigarettes

You came into my life as bright as you could be

Who knew our light would come together

and burn like stars in the galaxy

Oh darling, we burnt up fast...

Our passions was filled with giggles and teases, you would eat my laughter and tickle me more

You run your fingers through my back, gently waking my senses, I come alive because of you

I wanted this moment to last a little longer

Lesson learnt again

'You will keep repeating your mistakes if you fail to learn your lessons' they said.

IS LIFE A SERIES OF PAINFUL DISASTERS?
Not necessarily. The universe is always nudging us with gentle signals. When we ignore the signals, it nudges us with a sledgehammer.

Growth is the most painful when we resist it.

Believe me, I have been through it.

WE LEARN OUR BIGGEST LESSON WHEN THINGS GET ROUGH

We are not here to be punished. We are here to be educated. Every event has the potential to change us and disasters have the greatest potential to change our thinking. ACT AS IF EVERY EVENT HAS A PURPOSE AND YOUR LIFE WILL HAVE A PURPOSE. Figure out why you needed an experience, conquer it and you won't need it again

-Andrew Matthews

I believe that today I had learnt my biggest lesson. It was hard for me to admit or take responsibilities for my own actions. You can say I'm not apologetic for being myself, or people shouldn't judge me for my actions.

but in all my failed relationships, I failed to admit that I'm truly wrong and sorry for it.

and now I am, sorry.

time for everything

I've learned that there is time for everything.


Today was the right time for us to meet for the first time.
Before this, I thought our lives will never cross each other,
I will only feel deep sonder upon knowing you.
I'm glad I bumped into you while heading my way,
knowing myself, I wanted to somehow see you again after this
morning and just when I was about to shrugg off that idea, 
there's you again accompanying me while heading back

I Lost

Dear you, it’s your birthday today, the past month has been a rough patch for both of us, I made a regretful mistake to you, I lost your trust, I lost everything; I lost you. 

remembering you and I

I will remember you, you I was first introduced. 

I will remember the way you lean your forehead against mine for the first time when I thought you were leaning in for a kiss, but you did something else instead.

There were a lot of times I cried and you were willing to comfort me until it came to when I cried unreasonably and you would get mad whenever I cried, you would ignore my feelings because you said It’s for my own good. 

There were many times I was afraid of you, because of your temperament, you reminded me a lot of my father, I had promised myself to never marry a man like you, because my children would have to suffer the fear I felt when I was very young.

I will remember how you took care of every part of my being, from every inch of my skin to how I was unable to be independent, you pushed me to become a better person a much more independent person, so when you leave me, I will be able to survived on my own..

I remembered how you didn’t wash the dishes clean, how your towels smelled like, your bolster’s scent and how you smelled the nicest to me.

I will remember how you changed my life completely in the shortest time possible. 

You make me grow as a person in ways I cannot imagine. You taught me how to control my emotions. You motivated me, for the first time I felt the love I think I deserved. You cared for me in the in every way possible. You called me when I disappear from chats. You would call twice to check up on me. 

You’re amazing, you know that? 

Even when you’re so far away now, I still feel your love is so close to me